I didn’t sleep much last night. The last time I looked at the clock, the green digital numbers read 3:45 a.m. I was grinding on the realization that my 8:15 appointment (only 8-, then 7-, then 6-, then 4-and-change-hours away) would tell the story about whether or not the stereotactic radiosurgery had put a proper killing on the tumor in my spine. I thought I’d leave Dr. Pippas’ office this morning with that knowledge in hand.
I didn’t.
I did leave with a little bit of good news, though. The cancer doesn’t appear to be anywhere else in my body. It is localized to the place in my spine that has been biopsied twice (a week apart), operated on twice (eight weeks apart) and blasted with 32 grays of radiation (two treatments, nine months apart). My spine, though ravaged by surgery and radiation, is in a much better place than it was in just a few weeks ago when my spinal cord was being encroached upon by the tumor.
That is where the good news ends.
The tumor may not be dead. And, if it isn’t, Dr. Pippas thinks I may have reached the limit of how much treatment trauma (surgery and/or radiation) I can successfully stand in that spot. I haven’t had this conversation with my neurosurgeon or my radiation oncologist and I will do that. Before I address this any further, I’ll have those conversations. I’ll say at this point that my options appear to be narrowing. This tumor needs to go.
I need systemic therapy. The kind of therapy that courses through a body and kills cancer cells where they are — one by one, if that’s the way they come. I have sent the latest CT scan and yesterday’s MRIs of my lumbar spine and thoracic region to Dr. Janice Dutcher and Dr. Dan George for their review. We hope to be able to get a consultation with both of these fine physicians by the end of December and get scheduled for the HDIL-2 therapy as soon in January as possible.
HDIL-2 is the beast I’ve been reading about almost since the day of my diagnosis in May, 2009. I have read volumes about how the therapy is administered and hear dozens of first-person accounts of the actual treatment from members of the kidney cancer forum on acor.org. There is an 15% – 20% chance of a cure for people with clear cell kidney cancer. I want to be one of those people. I’m counting on being one of them.
Dr. Pippas, Jill and I talked this morning about the decisions we’ve made over the last two and a half years since I was diagnosed. I’m confident that we’ve made great choices. I’m at peace with all of the decisions we’ve made that, at the time, seemed like we were having to cut the baby in half. Right now, we’re standing at another crossroads. An important one.
Beginning with this next therapy, the price of poker is going up. Each one of the available therapies we try ticks off, one-by-one, the few available options we have to try. My hope is that I’ll only have to check off one of those boxes and it is the one that gives me a durable cure. Unfortunately, HDIL-2 is the only one that can do that. If it fails, then I’m on a train with no brakes going downhill with only pinestraw bales to stop me. Targeted therapies, tyrosine kinase inhibitors, vascular epithelial growth factor (VEGF) inhibitors are only band-aids that can’t cure me, but can lengthen my life until they stop working — and they will stop working.
So, this is why the HDIL-2 therapy is so important. It is the big arrow in my quiver and I’m ready to draw it back and let it fly.
I’ve done all I can do today. No sense in worrying about what I can’t control. Tonight, I hope I’ll sleep.
Gloria Dodds says
Great spirit and determination. I hope you sleep well, too.
Jan Venable Davenport says
I’m thinking you are a pretty good poker player…..Keep on playin’, Cuz 🙂
Cyndy says
I’m putting all my chips on HDIL-2!
Carol Ann Kaplan says
Prayers……..lots…..continue. I am betting on YOU to win, Mike.
Hugs and lots of happy, healthy, cancer free vibes being sent your way.
Margaret Angell says
I hope you sleep better tonight, Mike. Sleeplessness robs your body of healing time! Sweet Dreams, my friend!
Callie says
Mike, if anyone can beat this, it’s you. I know you’re facing a beast, as you called it, but you are so strong, so determined and so loved, I just know you can beat this beast once and for all. Of course the coming weeks will be difficult, but you have a few aces up your sleeve. First, you have a wife who will go to the ends of the earth with you to see that you win. Second, you have a loyal and loving family who adore you and are not above bribing whomever they need to with peanut brittle to ensure you are dealt the very best hand possible. Third, you have assembled a wise and capable medical team (including your-newly-educated-self and Jill) who have guided you successfully thus far. Fourth, you have also amassed a full-blown, passionate army of faithful followers that stands at the ready to see you through, whether the chips are up or down. We will type on our keyboards and send our digital thoughts, wishes and prayers to find you wherever your travels for treatment might take you. We will keep the home fires burning and the office running as long as it takes. So don’t you blink, Mike Venable. Don’t you dare blink. You look that beast in the eyes and you play your hand. You’re holding four aces. You just focus on the prize–the ultimate winnings–NED.
Debbie & David Harrell says
What I have learned from this journey is we can do it. Even if we are just buying time till they find something that works. And the many survivors that where not suppose to make it. You are one.
Betsy Covington says
Yeah – what Callie said! (Well put, Callie!). We’re all here for you, Mike. You’re playing your poker beautifully and I believe you’ll win!
becky marks says
Callie really does say it all. With all the love that surrounds you, everything is possible.
Nelda says
Callie did say what many, many of us feel. Wishing you the best, knowing if anyone can do it, you can. Love you lots.
Margie Ivey says
Our thoughts and prayers continue for YOU and NED! Keep your faith, strength, determination and get the rest you need.
Ann Blondheim says
Let that big arrow fly!
Jan Woodfin Drew says
I agree with Margaret. Also, you are right to say you can’t worry about what you can’t control but that’s never an easy task. We all love you so much and will CONTINUE our prayers for all good things. {Hugs}
Paula Acton says
Ditto to all the previous comments. Sending y’all prayers and prayers.
Allison Kennedy Owent says
Mikey! We love you and are cheering for you. .. I know you are facing this next phase with great strength and grace. Much love to you and Jill and the boys.
Cathy says
It was so good to see you and Jill last week. You look great! I can’t help but think of the season and the miracles that have occurred at this time throughout this years. May your complete health be yet one more we celebrate for years to come. I have reason to believe all things are possible…especially when we believe. I believe with you..
Betsy Lawrence says
Love to you and Jill!
kim jinks says
Praying for you and Jill! Hoping 2012 will be the year of the cure.
Cheryl Myers says
Thinking of you all and wishing for the best. I’m proud to consider you friends. Love you guys!!
Carol Ann Kaplan says
Ditto what Callie said! She has a great command for language and communication.
I just want you to know how much we adore you and Jill. I want you to know that not one day passes where thoughts of you do not come to mind.
You will beast the beast as Callie said.
Prayers sent again and again. His hears us Mike Venable!
Carol Ann says
Beat not beast. God not His.
Dee Martin says
With the wonderful, beautiful woman, family and friends and strength that together with them, you reach down deep and find, you are gonna beat this. The HDIL-2 has your name written all over it. It is your cure Mike. Receive it and accept it for the gift it will be. The gift of life, your life!!!. You were like a son to my mom and she was a strong woman. She would want you to fight and fight hard. Remember the comment you made about Jill walking the Red Carpet? It’s true because you love her and make her happy and together you share life’s ups and downs and complete one another. Yes she is a wonderful mother, but together the two of you are great parent’s. I am praying for all of you. God Bless You, Heal you and make you STRONGER for it. Much love to both of you….
Debbie Seeley says
2 1/2 years since you were diagnosed. Look how far you’ve come fighting this @#$&* disease! So proud you’re not taking any s*** off this “beast”! Your army stands behind you ready to fight this stinking fight until the enemy retreats…..just know you ARE winning!
Hugs to you and Jill!
Laurel Blackwell says
We continue to stand with you and pray. Stand and having done all, stand! Laurel and Fred
Borden says
Worry can rob you of the strength that you have exhibited so relax, live each day to the fullest and enjoy the season.
Sally Whitt says
Standing in the gap and praying with you. The Lord will guard your heart and give you a peace that
passes all understanding.
Gail Everett says
Hi. I’m new to this website and this thing called cancer. I’m torn (scared) between the HDIL-2 and Sutent. Has anyone been down this road yet? Any advice would be appreciated.
Gayle Henderson says
We claim in the name of Jesus that this next therapy will send Satan packing and you will be cured!!
Love ya’ll!!
Ruth Martin says
Hello Mike, thank you for your post. Our family understands your circumstances because of our Pearson. About a year ago, I heard a Pastor say something that zinged into my spirit and I will never forget it….”Do not believe with your eyes anything that contradicts the promises of God.” Mike, I have made the covenant protection of Psalm 91 my stronghold in prayer as I wrap my expectations around that promise for Pearson….verse 16 says, “With long life I will satisfy him, and show him My salvation.” I cling to this promise for you as well as I pray for you.
Your Bainbridge family loves and prays for you!
Dena Battle says
Mike — we can’t recommend Duke enough for IL-2 — it’s a fabulous facility with wonderful nurses. And we really love Dan George as well. (If you see him, tell him “hi” from the Battles. I know you’ll fly through this treatment just like Chris did. We’ll be keeping you in our prayers!
Terry Wilson says
I am in there with you. I started IL-2 on the 6th and just returned home today. I have been in the fight (Stage IV) since July of 2007. I was lucky and Sutent kept things in check for three years. Like you, I believe that HDIL is the big arrow. I pray that it is enough for us.
Nancy Gordy says
Hands down you will win this fight….keeping you in our thoughts and prayers…..NG
Beth and Bob Martin says
Mike & Jill,
You are in our thoughts and prayers daily. You are a very determined person and we pray that God gives you strength and you beat this one step at a time. Just know we are all fighting for you. Love to both you and Jill.
Bob and Beth
Karen Taylor says
Keep on believing that you will be healed. Believe it!! Have a strong faith. Stay positive and get as much rest and sleep that you can. All of that is good for the body healing.
I am believing with you as I pray for you.
Karen
Tina Ashmore Bowers says
Rest is good for the body and the soul, sleep well….
Hope Phillips says
Haven’t yet and won’t stop praying for you, Jill, and the boys —
Hope
Stephanie Downs says
Still praying Mike and won’t stop. You can beat this if anyone can! Love to you and Jill
Jim Irvin says
Mike,
It was good to see you and Jill even though it was at the sad occasion of Sam’s funeral. You look terrific! (And it goes without saying that Jill looks wonderful) You are an inspiration to all of us mortals. Thanks for the updates and I wish you and your family a blessed and peaceful Christmas.
Jim