This blog was never intended to make a soul feel sorry for me. I started it as a communications channel for friends and family a couple of days before my nephrectomy. Once the surgery was over and I was in throes of sickness, still writing, and people started getting touch with me, something changed about my blog mission.
Cancer is a lonely disease. Even surrounded by families and armies of friends, the patients spend a great deal of time inside their own heads. Any shred of information about something that might make you well, save your life, make you feel better, keep you around, is precious. I have made a bunch of friends, who were that beacon of knowledge and hope for me from when I was a young pup of a cancer patient. I have spoken/written/texted some of them as early as today at lunch. They mean a lot to me.
So, I changed my tune and decided to go ridiculously beyond a communications channel. I wanted to write about living with cancer. God knows more and more people every day are forced to figure that out. It isn’t an easy process and being able to see into the lives of people who are further down the road is a good thing.
I get enough feedback to know this blog has struck a chord with my readers. This is why I write.
Oh what a difference 408 hours make. 408 hours ago I got the news of the spinal tumor. After multiple times of getting this news, the
• Shock and awe
• Sadness
• Fatalism
• Anger
• Research
• Resolve
stages are sped up. And because they take place in such a compressed timeframe, they’re more intense. This time it took me 408 hours. I think my last few blogs posts have borne that out. A half hour ago I was on the phone with Dr. Andy Pippas — the fifth time we’ve spoken today. He joked with me! We laughed and had a little best-friends-over-a-beer banter. Blue Cross Blue Shield of Alabama had an issue with the Cabozantinib prescription. Even though EVERYONE I know in the kidney cancer community, those people in the trenches keeping people alive and thriving, know that this drug is particularly good medicine for RCC patients with bone metastases.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
My call this afternoon was the good Dr. Pippas recommending that we go back to the horse we know. Yes. I had come to the same conclusion. I’ll be starting Votrient right away. Hello 35-inch waist! And that athletic cut suit I bought from Chancellor’s — the same size I wore when I walked the hallowed halls of Hardaway High School — is waiting in a bag in my closet. I got a haircut today. Emily has never seen me with white hair. I showed her a picture of what lies ahead.
What has snapped me out of my funk? Today it was music. I’m listening to a snappy ’80s Spotify playlist that Jud Richardson posted. Today has been a productive day. I’ve got my emotional legs under me, steeling for the fight and expecting to win. This is such an emotional ride. Every day as I write these posts, I can’t believe where we’ve come from. Wicked turns on a life-sized rollercoaster.
I’m writing it because I have to.
Thank you for the life-affirming displays of love. Thank you for the prayers, calls, the cards, the incredible quotes, the offers for plane rides, Go-Fund-Me accounts. We’re not there. Not saying we won’t get there someday. But it is not today. Damn, I’m beginning to think I might’ve had a good career as a televangelist. I’m also thinking I might need to get Jill to take my computer away from me when I’m in my either of my Sad or Fatalistic stages.
Thank you for following along and we seriously appreciate your prayers and wishes for my health and wellbeing.
Mike,
Thinking about you and the battle ahead. You have come so far and fought so hard…you shouldn’t have to do this again, but as I tell my children – Life is not always fair. I love your determination and optimism which is so important in your fight. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Love to you and Jill.
This is what happens when I’m working away and I see an email pop up with your blog update: everything stops. It all has to wait. No email is more important. No phone call or appointment takes precedence. I must read the latest update so I will be informed and know how to pray. So, please keep writing. For every one of us who takes a moment to post, there are hundreds who are silently reading and believing there are many, many more blogs ahead with amazing insight and beautiful words. Write on. (Don’t let Jill take your computer, please.)
I agree.
We love you Mike and we wish we could just somehow make this go away.
Mike, I’ve not had cancer (yet) however, your blog is my insight into compassion and understanding. Please don’t stop. It seems so unfair but…like your friend wrote above that she teaches her kids…no one ever promised life would be fair.
Love and prays to you and Jill,
Linda Willoughby
As long as you are writing, I am reading….and hoping….and praying.
Mike, you’re in my thoughts and prayers daily and I’m always looking for a post. Thanks for keeping us all updated.
Love you and look forward to giving you an “oh so gentle ” squeeze hug!
Mike,
When I see your blog pop up I’m instantly anxious for your latest update, your unbelievable talent for expressing your feeings, and to be part of your journey, because I care.
Your “damn the torpedoes (CANCER) full speed ahead” spirit is amazing. Keep your positive attitude and kick cancer’s ass.
Mike, I am also a member of your club. Evertthing you write about rings my bell. Remission is so sweet until it isn’t. Your in my prayers. Keep up the fight. Keep writing about it as this is good for all of us. God Bless! Nancy Arrington Flournoy.
“For such a time as this…” came to my heart as I read this this post Mike. Just as Esther could not remain silent, neither can you. My faith walk has led me down many thought patterns but one I don’t tend to stray far away from is that God equips us through our lives for the very journey He knows we will take. Your Creator gave you the gift of communication, a deligent mind for learning through research and a heart for relationships. ALL of these gifts are the tools you’re using as you share your journey. And ALL of these are gifts God is using to bless and comfort you and so many others along this journey. You are HIS! And you are HELD! Thank you again my friend for sharing and for teaching us all how to deal with tough, crappy stuff in such a beautiful, gracious way.
I’m always eager to read the latest from you. I’m betting on you and on Dr. Pippas. He has provided sincere compassion when I needed it most, and sometimes that’s about as important as medical skills, of which he has an abundance.
Fight this battle again and win!!! We are thinking of and praying for and loving you all the way…
You are a brave man Mike and I admire you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
You will win this battle also.
Keep that terrific attitude! It has gotten you this far and it will get you through this too! Many people are praying and thinking of you! Please know that it is ok with us whichever mood you are in when you write! Your honesty and transparency is wonderful And inspiring! Great to see you and Jill last night! I sincerely wish you the best as you begin this next phase of the journey! Hugs!
Mike,
I love your spirit and your mentioning Jud’s playlist really made him feel special! With all that you are going through thank you for helping my son to feel that he has helped you! We love you and Jill and your family and are praying for your complete recovery! You are a fighter and I know that you will win this fight like you have done in the past! Keep that positive spirit around you and let us know what we can do to help y’all!
Love all of you and keep the fight going strong!
Love,
Margie or as you call me – Thrasher
I don’t feel sorry for you. I am in awe of you. Your blog has done so much for so many people. Being a cancer survivor myself for 23 years I am in awe and proud to know you and Jill both. Take care my friend and keep the news coming – I care!!
Always eager to hear your insights. Sending you a dose of love.
I don’t feel sorry for you, either. I just look up to you and I appreciate you. You make the rest of us feel good! God bless you, Mike and Jill. And keep it going, ole friend.
So glad you are girded for battle! Keep strong and know you are being uplifted in prayer always!
We love ya Dude…
Application–
Romans 5: 3-5 — Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
It’s gonna be OK.
and more application–
Matthew 11: 28-30 — “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
It’s gonna be OK. We love ya Brother
Mikie, I love it! Ain’t nobody got time for that !!
Stay strong. You have so much love and faith and support. Always thinking of you and Jill.
Di
God puts angels among us to help through difficult times and remind us we can get through whatever we need. I am glad the song help give you strength to continue to fight. You are an inspiration to so many cancer patients and others to fight . You are an educator to many of us who know nothing of cancer and how to fight I pray for healing, strength and longevity for you and Jill, but mostly for a cure for this dreadful disease.
Please keep posting
Lol Mike! Who knows? The Rx may make your hair come back a cute curly redhead!!!
Faith & humor & prayers = the best meds❣
Keep fighting! We are on your side!
Love,
Pierce and Cindy Hodnette
I love your spunk and tenacity. Thanks for sharing all your thoughts
Mike, we are with you every step of this journey. We admire your perseverance, and please continue the blog….I remain in awe of your writing style and your ability to express yourself with clarity! “Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, not an opportunity.” Khalil Gibran. Your friends, Jean & Larry Thomas from Eufaula
I like your attitude. You are blessed to have Dr. Pippas on your side. With him, your attitude and your faith, you will make it again. Praying God,s blessings on you and Jill.
Hi Mike. I’ve been traveling along with you on your cancer trail for several years. Keith Murray alerted me to your plight. I am so proud of you. I think I knew you were strong…but I didn’t didn’t realize you were Hercules. I’ve not reached out to you until now, but this seemed like the right time. I had drive-by breast cancer. Lucky me, but I know how worrisome the unknown can be. My ex-husband had stage 4 transitional cell carcinoma. My son and I drove to Topeka, packed him and his dog up, and brought them to my home in College Hill. I feared that he would die on me, but he didn’t. That was about five years ago. He is now back in Topeka working full-time in marketing. All that said, I may possess some very good Karma. You are now my strongest focus, and there will also be novenas heading your direction. I know from your blog that you are willing and able to embrace
the strength that all those who care about you are pouring in your direction. Keep your arms and your heart open and let it flow throughout your body.