I’ve always known that I am weird. I have a bucketful of quirks, idiosyncrasies and compulsions. They range from the way others use our language, to the proper way to eject toothpaste from a toothpaste tube, to the proper spin orientation of toilet paper from the roll, to how I handle a simple itch on my back.
I have substantial paralysis in my neck around my left vocal fold from a 1980s-vintage snow skiing accident that rendered me incapable of drinking from a water fountain. I continually clear my throat for some reason that I cannot name. I count things. Steps, stairs or sidewalk cracks are a few on a long list of things I count.
I simply must put the left socks and shoes on first. I put on my shoes before I put on my pants. Sometimes I eat things on my plate in rotation. Other times I’m perfectly comfortable eating bites from different places on the plate just like a normal person.
Unless I can get coffee that I really like, I generally won’t drink it. The coffee I most like is blended and roasted for me by John Woodward, my friend and coffee guru.
I must have exactly the right T-shirt and boxers to sleep in. If they aren’t available, I’ve been known to stay up until I could get them washed and dried for my use. I’m insanely claustrophobic and if constrained or bound in any way I’m subject to throw a panic attack.
The aforementioned items are in no way an exhaustive list. I’ve decided not to show it all at this point. What got me thinking about all of this is just how my newest hobby has focused me on all these things. I’ve decided to do something crazy and wonderful this fall. I’m going to paddle a kayak from Columbus to the Gulf of Mexico down the length of the Chattahoochee and Apalachicola rivers.
The real problem is that kayaking creates for me a sensory heightening all of these wacky things in my mind. When I’m in my kayak I’m essentially trapped with my thoughts and the tight confines of my personal flotation device and the 23” of width in which my backside resides. What if I get an itch that I can’t reach? What if I get that whiff of claustrophobia that I can’t beat into submission?
I’m tense when I’m in my kayak. I really just want someone to talk to me down from the ledge. It is a miracle that I can strap that boat on and push away from the shore.
I can’t wait until Saturday so I can do it again.
Betty Anne Pollock says
Hang in there–I know you’ll make it–I have full faith and confidence in YOU!