I’m in a weird place. I have lost almost 75 pounds since mid-November, 2012. On average, almost two pounds per week for every single one of the weeks that have passed since I took my first dose of Votrient, an oral chemotherapy. Jill and I are going to a wedding on Saturday and until yesterday, when I picked up a new suit from Chancellor’s Men’s Wear, I didn’t have a single suit, sport coat or tuxedo that I could wear. I’ll admit that when I was younger, I was a major clothes horse. I was reminded of that yesterday when Roger Stinson handed me my new suit pants and sent me into the tiny freezer — which is the infamous Chancellor’s changing room — and I emerged and had him slip on the new suit coat. The feel of a new suit of clothes that REALLY fits is a thrilling thing! I have worn fat clothes for so many years that the complete and utter thrill I got seeing myself in that incredible suit made me want to dance. Roger turned me down though.
This rampant weight loss is hammered home all during the day, as I witness people looking me right in the eyes and knowing that they don’t recognize me. Today at the Chamber Lunch and Learn, our office mates went to support Helena Coates of Media, Marketing and More! as she was today’s presenter. I haven’t been to any Chamber events lately, so I saw a good number of people there that I haven’t seen in months and months. Kat Cannella was one of the folks who I spoke to who didn’t have a clue who I was. She came over at the end of Helena’s presentation and we talked about my shocking weight loss and the loss of my hair color. I look very different, and Lord knows, I sure feel different.
The act of eating, finding things I can eat, the timing of meals and the difficulty of keeping food down are consuming larger amounts of attention in every one of my days. For instance, the very nice luncheon that was prepared for the Chamber event didn’t include a single item that I could eat. So, I sat with my peeps while they ate and after I dropped them back at the office, I visited Freeze Frame on Broadway and ate a nice cup of my favorite swirled orange/vanilla frozen yogurt with toasted almonds. It filled me up and made me smile all at the same time. Some days I just can’t eat. The very thought of putting something in my mouth makes me want to heave. For someone who has spent hours in a kitchen preparing the perfect meal for guests, running a competitive barbecue cooking team, organizing wine tastings and being something of a self-proclaimed talking head on food/wine pairings, the fact that I am having such a difficult time getting nourishment and stanching a precipitous slide in my body weight is just a shocking thing.
My doctors are concerned, my wife is concerned, my mother is concerned and I’ll admit, lately I’m really starting to get worried about where this might be going. Cachexia is the official medical term for this wasting away of one’s body/muscle mass. My skin has become very thin, my muscles are atrophying and the worry about whether or not I can eat is causing stress that I didn’t anticipate. Although becoming empty will almost always make me sick, sometimes the indecision over what or whether I can eat keeps me from doing what I know I have to do and just put something in my stomach.
I’ve reported in this blog that Dr. Andy Pippas prescribed Marinol, which is a man-made version of the active drug that is in cannabis, tetrahydrocannabinol. My prescription contained 30 pills with instructions to take up to two per day. I’m about three weeks into the prescription and although I have suffered from some level of food trauma every day, I have only taken about half of the number of pills prescribed for the 30-day period. I’m not sure why I would be given 30 twice-per-day pills and be expected to have them last for 30 days, other than maybe this was a test firing to see if the pills work for me when testing for drugs. The Marinol does work to some degree, although the appetite stimulation part of the expected drug action seems less than adequate. It does seem to help with the nausea, but it hasn’t done much to make me want to eat.
The Marinol doesn’t work as well as the real thing. Back when I started taking the Votrient, someone brought me a marijuana laced chewable. It was a four-dose chunk of chocolate that tasted like a Tootsie Roll. I was warned that if I hadn’t partaken of any pot recently (and, I hadn’t) that I should be cautious and maybe treat it like an eight-dose item. What I realized right away is that my nausea dissipated in about 15 minutes and that I was definitely more inclined to eat. So, not only did I want to eat, but I was more likely to keep what I ate down. If some combination of Marinol and the occasional dose of self-prescribed medical marijuana or can stop this weight loss and allow me to develop enough strength to begin some kind of exercise, then I might have a chance to actually be able to become fairly healthy again in spite of living with a deadly, incurable stage IV cancer. The info on www.sacredkratom.com/ about this is clear, the hard chemicals we use as medicine are often more damaging than they should be.
It is the side effects of the chemo — diarrhea, vomiting, weakness, numbness in extremities, dizzyness and lack of strength that make some people give up. “I just can’t deal with this anymore!” Finding something that will restore as much of a normal life as possible in combination with a great wife, incredible children, an awesome family, good church friends, kind co-workers and a good network that give cancer patients the continued ability and will to fight the disease that is trying to kill them.
Today I read an article written by CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta. The piece, “Why I Changed My Mind About Weed,” was interesting. There is apparently way more data than was originally thought to back up the notion that not only is marijuana, aside from its recreational activities, is not highly addictive, but it is also quite helpful for many medical issues without most of the side effects that come with powerful narcotics and other classes of drugs. According to the cannavapos twitter, citizens in some 20 states and the District of Columbia have ratified some form of legislation that makes marijuana available for medical applications. It is time for this to happen on a much broader scale. Cancer patients who avail themselves of a tried and true, natural form of relief from their misery should not have to feel like criminals! If this discussion makes you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. This will not be the last you hear from me about this.
Jean W. Thomas says
Mike, I admire your stamina and courage. Love to read your blog. The expressions and thoughts are so appropriate. What a lucky guy you are to have Jill in your life. She has been special to me for a long time. Now you have joined the ranks. Keep up the good fight and know there are many thinking of you..
Kate Nerone says
I would love to see you in that suit. Every word you write paints a picture in my head, but it would be so cool to actually SEE you before my very eyes. I have to share this particular blog, as I sincerely & vociferously back you up 1,000% in your openness to trying whatever it takes for you to feel more well. I hope you will again resume your wonderful relationship w/food & physical activity. They have missed you. xo
Mike Owen says
Blaze up, Mike! If it will make you healthier and feel better, go for it.
It’s not like you’re going to get drug-tested at work!
And if anyone disapproves, tell them to take a big deep breath and get the BEEP over it.
Bill Plock says
Mike, I am with you 100% in whatever it takes to direct you to feeling better, energy and diet wise. I was also taking Marinol for a while that was prescribed for me at different time by Dr. Pippas as well as Dr. Langston at Emory. Thankfully it had the desired effects on me. But, like you, I was willing to try anything, just to be able to have a desire for real food again. Keeping you and Jill in my prayers always.
Ruth Martin says
Mike, a beautiful telling of your experience. Your courage and determination is a wonderful example to many struggling with difficult health issues. I have wondered for years why the proven results of marijuana, taken for health reasons should be so controversial. The chemical drugs given to so many are much more harmful. I am actually thankful that you are including this in your regimen and I pray that it will bring the complete results that you need. I love you and constantly pray for you!
Brooks Dykes says
I think you are awesome to be such a trooper with everything you have been through. I think it is time for me to be thankful for my health and to be thankful for everything i usually take for granted.
Jennifer says
Blaze up indeed!
Dot Hamer says
Praying for relief and strength for you. Ephesians 3:20
Laurel and Fred Blackwell says
We love you, Mike! F & L
Gwen Ruff says
Love and prayers to you and Jill
Dusty Nix says
These people so locked in against something that we knew 30-40 years ago provided relief from chemo nausea and appetite loss make ME want to heave. The insufferable sanctimony of people who find the relief of suffering irrelevant to their noble and righteous opposition to DRUGS (cue ominous “Jaws”-type music here)…
Well, you get my point. Have at it, Mike. Hell, I’ll come over and twist up a doob for you.
Peggy Simmers says
my brother has cancer i,. i cried as i read you blog, i can see this happening to my brother, he served In Nam and his reward is agent orange,,,,,,,last stages,, he didn’t have a clue that he had it till it is where it is now,, i pray my brother reads this and perhaps gets some of the .” Votrient,” is that the medical weed,.i do not understand , many plants are better than some of the drugs they give, that are more dangerous than a plant, and we have to take the meds and get addicted , to and then have a very hard time coming off, ? speaking of experience here,. for drugs for pain, ” any i am glad you have found a way to make life better for you, may God hold you and yours close and give you many blessings and i pray he does for my brother as well,…thanks for sharing this and i am going to share it with my brother.
sincerely
Peggy Simmers
Margie Ivey says
Go for whatever helps you. I know you want to enjoy all the fine foods you like, enjoy the things you do and feel better.
I think about you often and pray for you Mike.
MEANDONLYME says
I think those in powerful positions and many of those in not so powerful positions know that weed is a powerful medicine capable of doing many wonderful things for the human mind and body. If you can acquire “GOOD” weed, and the qualifying term is “GOOD” , and eat or smoke it, you will find that it helps your battle against cancer in many ways; not just increasing your appetite but even fighting the cancer itself. In addition it will help you stop taking all those so-called anti-side-effect drugs that the doctors shove down your throat to fight the side effects of the cancer drugs ( so idiotic ).
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An interesting problem with weed now is access to it. The medical industry is slowly starting to smell the coffee and is slowly opening the door to medical usage. But .. remember .. this is the medical industry and such access will not come free of charge. In most places, it is much cheaper to get weed in the black market than it is to purchase it from those so-called medical mj clinics. And don’t let them shove that garbage about quality down your throat. That’s a bunch a BS. The very same people that the clinics are buying it from are the same people that are selling it the black market … JUST A WHOLE LOT CHEAPER.
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You see , in order for weed to be made available for medical use or even made legal out right , first the profit from it must negate the financial loss that will be encumbered by the pharmaceutical and law enforcement industries. We are talking almost a trillion dollars loss of profit by those industries.